I decided to start this blog because I want to share my story. I plan on telling you about the good, the bad, and even the ugly of my life that have brought me here. Sadly, it is not all pleasant, but I want to share it to show that there is hope. You can overcome the struggles that come upon you in life. I do not claim to have the worst life, but I have had my share. I am an active member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (a Mormon). I hope you find hope in my story. Thank you!
For my first post I'd like to tell you what has happened in my life in the past year. It has been eventful...
In June 2011, my husband (Sherman) and I were sealed in the temple for time and all eternity. I was so happy! I knew that meant that we would now be together for eternity, not just this life on Earth. I was wrong. :( At the end of July 2011, Sherman told me that he didn't want anything to do with the LDS church. He begun making choices that were very hard for me and rejecting me on a daily basis. We had been through a lot during our first year of marriage, but we loved each other. Now, he showed no love for me and seemed disgusted to even look at me, let alone kiss or show affection towards me. I felt like I was living in a nightmare that I couldn't get away from. My faith begun to waiver.
At the end of September 2011, Sherman moved to Utah to live with family and look for work. I moved in with my mom and her husband until Sherman found a place for us. That never happened. Two weeks later he texted me and told me that he didn't want to be married to me anymore. I was heartbroken! I loved this man with all I had and had promised to be with him forever, but now he didn't want me anymore. I felt as if my life had ended! I had no job, no home, soon no husband, no money, and my health was bad. I felt lost.
Thankfully the one thing I held onto was my knowledge that I had a loving Heavenly Father who would be there for me no matter what! Even though I had struggled with my faith, I chosen to turn to Him now and put my life into His hands. I am so grateful that I did! A few days before Sherman told me that he didn't want to be married to me anymore, I had gone to the temple and prayed. I asked for help and guidance. Heavenly Father answered that prayer, but not in the way I had thought He would at that time.
On October 21, 2011, a friend of mine from the local singles' ward invited to join her and a few friends for the evening. They were planning on going to a local haunted forest. I don't like scary stuff, but I needed to get out of the house and socialize, so I went. A guy (Will) who I had briefly dated prior to his mission and my marriage, but whom I had not seen since then, asked if I'd give him a ride. I said that I would because I wanted to talk with him. I will admin I thought he was very good looking when I picked him up. We drove to a local church building where everyone was meeting to carpool. That night I met someone who would change my life forever. Of course I didn't know it at the time, but I can still remember that moment. Will and I got out of my car when we got to the church. As we walked over to the group forming, I saw a very handsome young man who I didn't recognize. He had on tight jeans, a tan colored t-shirt, a jean jacket, and a baseball cap. He was a country boy! I noticed him, but I wasn't looking to date since I had just started the divorce process and was still upset about my marriage ending. His name was Spencer Wasden. We talked some, but mostly I spent the evening talking and flirting with Will.
(This is a picture taken the first night we met at Shari's after the Haunted Forest. I'm in the purple shirt sitting by Will. Spencer is on the far right.)
The following day I went to a service project and afterwards some of us decided to go to the haunted forest again. Will didn't come this time. I talked with Spencer more, but he was quiet. As our group walked through the forest, I was VERY scared. I am a scary cat! The night before Will had walked with me, but now I was alone. Out of nowhere Spencer came to my side and offered his hand. I took it and walked through the forest together. I was so thankful that he was there. At the end of the trail Spencer let go of my hand and walked away. I was a little sad, but then again I wasn't looking for anything.
Spencer added me on Facebook the next day and we chatted occasionally. A week later I went to a Halloween dance with the same group of friends. Both Will and Spencer were there. Soon after we arrived, a slow dance started. I was shocked when Spencer came up to me and asked me to dance. I hadn't planned on slow dancing at all that night. When I had gone to dances before I got married, guys never asked me to dance, I always had to ask them. I accepted and we danced. We talked a little, but I felt a little awkward dancing with someone other than my husband. Later in the evening I danced a swing dance with Will, but he didn't seem comfortable with dancing with me and ended the dance early.
Throughout the night my pain started getting the best of me and I would go sit in the hall to try to get it under control. Spencer would often come join me and talk. One time, Spencer, David (a friend I met that evening who was recently divorced), and I were talking about marriage. I remember turning to Spencer and giving him advice about marriage and who he should marry. He responded by telling me that he was putting his mission papers in soon and wouldn't have to worry about that for a while. I was shocked! I thought he was a returned missionary, not a pre-missionary. I asked how old he was and he said that he was 19. I was 27 yrs old.
(At the end of the Halloween dance. David on left, me in center, and Spencer on right.)
Over the next month or so, Spencer and I became friends. He even went to go see Breaking Dawn with me as a friend. When I needed someone to talk to about everything that was going on, he was there to listen. Many times he listened to me cry about my husband and how I loved him so much and was so confused and hurt about everything. He would hug me and tell me that I deserved better. Will also spent more time with me. Will even seemed to get jealous when he found out that I went to a movie with Spencer. LOL! It was amusing!
I signed my divorce papers just before Thanksgiving. Afterwards, I prayed that I would be able to let go of my feelings for my husband and start moving on. On December 2, 2011, that prayer was answered. I was now living in my mom's house by myself. Often times everyone from the singles ward would come hang out on Friday and/or Saturday night. On that night we were going to go to the downtown area in the small town I lived in and look at all the galleries that were open, then everyone was going to come back to my place to hang out and watch a movie. I was going to go with everyone, but my back with hurting and it was very cold out, so I stayed home. When everyone started arriving, I went into the kitchen to cook up some food for everyone. I love to cook! As usual Spencer came into the kitchen to help me. He said that he didn't know that I had stayed home and if he had, he would have come hung out with me instead of going with everyone else. I thought that was sweet of him. We started talking and he told me that he was waiting to get his mission call any day. I was so excited for him! I told him I wanted to take a picture of us together so I could remember my friend while he was on his mission. I took the picture with my iPhone. As I looked at the picture I saw something. We looked good together. Like a couple instead of friends. I told him that if he was a few years older, I'd totally go for him. I guess that gave him the opening he had been waiting for.
(The photo we took that changed everything!)
After we finished making dinner, we sat on the couch by each other and watched a movie with our friends. I can't even tell you what movie it was, but I remember what happened. I leaned my head against his shoulder and he put his head against my head. Then he held my hand. I don't think I can really explain the way it felt when we held hands. It was so familiar, like I knew that touch so well.
Looking back at that night, I have often said that I felt as if someone finally turned on a light. I finally saw Spencer in a way that I never had before. Since that night our love for one another has grown beyond belief! Later when I asked him when he first started liking me, he said that he started liking me the night he held my hand in the haunted forest, but he started to fall in love with me the night he held my hand on the couch. :)
There's much more to our story that I will share with you later. I will tell you though that he is now on a mission for 2 years! He has been gone 166 days now. I miss him every single day, but I know that our love for each other has only grown and I am so proud of his choice to serve a mission for the Lord. I write him everyday and he writes me once a week (except for 3 weeks he didn't write). I treasure each and every letter! I love you my love and I will for eternity!
